


Thespians

by Konstantinsen



Category: RWBY
Genre: Crack, Filming, Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-08 20:05:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16435907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Konstantinsen/pseuds/Konstantinsen
Summary: Jaune and Ren get roped into a film project that has nothing to do with anything they've been studying at Beacon.





	Thespians

**Author's Note:**

> I'm (not) sorry.

“Remind me again... Why are we doing this?”

“Best not to question it.”

“But... _why_?”

“I'd rather we get this over and done with so we would not have to go through this again.”

Jaune groaned into his palm. As if Fate did not despise him enough, it had to drag his brother-from-another-mother Ren into this mess. “I'm really sorry for this, man.”

“No need to apologize.” Ren sighed. “As long as this phase passes, we can go back to our normal lives.”

“Yeah but with _this_ hanging over our heads.”

“Enough chatter, now get in character!” barked 'director' Blake.

Jaune mumbled in defeat. Negotiating out of this was a failure. Fighting his way out was out of the question even with Ren backing him up. “What life choices have I made to get to this point?”

“Let it happen, Jaune. I will not fault you for what will transpire today,” assured Ren.

“Camera's rolling, guys!” cooed Yang from behind the rolling lens. “We don't have a lot of free data storage for your stalling.”

“Audio's working great,” announced boom operator Neptune.

Blake shifted her eyes to the right. Sun grumbled while lazily holding up the reflector. “Lighting is a-okay.”

“Would you like a part in scene two?” the cat faunus asked.

Sun froze rigid, righting his grip so the lighting was perfectly centered onto the two 'actors' standing on different sides of an empty bed. “No thanks!”

Blake nodded satisfactorily. “Everybody ready? Good. Ready and...ACTION!"

* * *

 

Ruby kicked off her boots and plopped onto her bunk. It had been a nice tiring weekend of fun bonding time with her partner. They had done so much...well, mostly hanging around the campus and convincing Weiss to lighten up a little...but at least they had some fun.

Come to think of it, she had not seen Yang or Blake since she woke up. Apparently, both of them had gotten up early to finish some side-project. She filed it away as some extra credit thing. In fact, she was curious as to what exactly that was.

“Hey, Weiss. What do you think they're up to?”

“Excuse me?”

“Yang and Blake. It's getting dark and we haven't seen them since I woke up.”

Weiss sighed. She looked a little upset. “It's better if we don't bother them with it.”

“Why? Is it that important? What class was it for?”

The heiress took a while to answer. “Anatomy.”

Ruby was keen enough to catch her partner bite her lip at that. What was the big deal with anatomy? Grimm anatomy? Human anatomy? Faunus anatomy? Did she miss some kind of homework? “Shouldn't we be doing that?”

“Excuse me?”

“The anatomy thing. I mean, we share almost the same classes so...”

Weiss raised her palm. “Ruby. Trust me. It's something we need not worry about.”

The littler reaper furrowed her brow. “So...you took care of it?”

“Took care of what?”

“Our anatomy homework.”

“We don't have anatomy homework.”

“But Yang—”

“Just...let them be. They'll be returning tonight. They better.”

Ruby decided to let the matter drop but she was still curious. Besides, she wondered what kind of project needed a camera, lotion, and a lot of rope? Nah. Maybe she'd just ask the other half of their team when they got back.

* * *

 

Bonding with Nora was always an exhausting endeavor. Pyrrha was still in mild disbelief that her bubbly teammate had a more demanding training regimen than hers. That many benches? And with Magnhild? Her arms had never ached this bad in a long time. Then again, she could turn this around by having Jaune massage her. That's what partners were for, right?

Unfortunately, Jaune was also similarly exhausted. Ren, as well. Perhaps they had been sparring the whole day? They were flat on their backs in their beds; clearly, they had done something so heavy that it sapped their energy.

Pyrrha looked back at Nora who only shrugged.

“Jaune? Ren?”

The blonde knight raised his head slightly. “Oh. Hey, guys.”

Nora raised a curious brow. “What have you two been up to?”

Jaune dropped his head back onto his pillow. It appeared as though his head was the only thing he could move right now. The same with Ren. “Been busy. That's all...”

“Are you in pain?” the redhead asked.

“No! No pain. None at all, ha-ha!”

Pyrrha frowned. That was a forced laugh; Jaune was always a horrible liar. She quickly turned to her side. “Ren?”

“Nothing,” he surprisingly choked. “Nothing interesting.”

Now Nora was annoyed. “Renny. Do I have to get rough on you?”

“No need!” Ren nearly bolted upright but sagged back onto his bed with a grimace. “No need. Please, Nora... Just...let us rest.”

The two girls shared a knowing look. And shrugged. Screw it. The two girls were both spent after today. A good rest was needed by everyone. They could always pester them about it tomorrow.

* * *

 

“So...remind me again...” Neptune started. “Why did we have to do this?”

Sun sighed. “Blake's probably going through a phase. I don't know.”

“Yeah but...this? Really?”

“I'd let it happen. I mean, it's already over and done with.”

“All we have is a rough reel,” Yang countered. “There's still the editing and post-production.”

The monkey faunus threw his hands up in the air and shuffled in the other direction. “Yep. I'm out. You can edit that 'cause I ain't watching all that crap all over again.”

Neptune jogged after him, bidding her an apologetic farewell. “Same! Good luck!”

Yang groaned. Well, time to head to the library and help her partner run through the full uncut movie that they managed to shoot within a day. She was still impressed with how Jaune and Ren powered through it given how terribly awkward and weird it was for them, especially with Blake barking orders mid-scene.

Besides, she didn't mind the show. Not that she was overly zealous about the project—she was still invested in it—but she was guilty of liking it. Well, some of it. Ah, well. It was already done. Besides, as far as she knew, they were the only people who had technically beaten the challenge posted on the secret girls-only Beacon message boards.

Could they make a gay porno?

Hell, yeah!

* * *

 

Well, there were not that many conditions to the challenge. It did not have to be good but Blake believed they had a masterpiece on their hands. Winding back to the first twenty minutes of the footage, she hit play and sat back to review her pet project.

_“Joe, you have a nice...ass...that I'd love to”—clears throat—“fuck.”_

_“You don't have to tell me, Leroy. I already know. I've been waiting for you to put your”—cough, wheeze, cough—“hot, throbbing...c-c-cock into me.”_

_'Leroy' leans in and takes 'Joe's face in his hand. “You want to know something?”_

_'Joe' gulps and looks away while scratching the back of his head._ Blake frowned. That was breaking character. Another thing she was going to have to cut out. _“W-what, Leroy?”_

“Wow,” Yang mused. “Ren either almost forgot his lines there or he was pausing for dramatic effect.”

Blake nodded. “He's gifted.”

“Depends on what you mean by that.”

“Shh!”

_'Leroy' cups 'Joe's face and angles his head directly towards him. “I've been waiting for this moment since the day we met at Initiation.”_

_“You don't say?” 'Joe' grins._

“He's showing too much teeth. Kinda creepy, if you ask me,” Yang muttered.

“It's fine,” Blake countered.

_“In fact, your ass is so, uh, fine that I...I'd like to slap it first.”_

_“Oh, Leroy. You can always go one step ahead.” 'Joe' pushes him away with a blush on his cheeks._

“Yeah. He's not blushing. You should edit in some red on his cheeks there, director.”

“Uh-huh.”

_'Leroy' extravagantly throws his hair back and plants his hands on the other's shoulders. “Come here you. I want to taste those sexy lips.”_

_'Joe' suddenly throws his hands in the air and glares at the camera. “Damn it, guys! I can't do this!”_

_“CUT!”_

Blake paused the clip with a groan.

“You know...they got most of their lines right...” Yang paused to breathe deep. “No offense but I've seen better acting from the bouncers at the clubs.”

“So much...would have to be cut.”

“Hey, they still got some good scenes in there. Sure, they didn't really deliver on the juicy parts but as long as it's implied, right?” She beamed in response to her partner's scowl. “I'm the camerawoman and I got a lot of good angles. Plus, we got special effects so it'd be like the real thing. Except they, well, didn't really do the real thing, you know.”

“You better have some good editing skills or we're reshooting.”

The blonde brawler slumped. “We have some leftover storage space. You think they'd agree to a reshoot?”

Blake stretched the ribbon on Gambol Shroud. “Can they say 'no' to that?”

“But what about Pyrrha or Nora? We were lucky they were busy today!” Yang suddenly gawked at the floor. “We basically stole Jaune and Ren right from under their noses.”

“They would thank us,” the cat faunus answered. “This is a film adaption of an acclaimed literary series.”

Yang rolled her eyes. “Sure, kitty. Choice source material. Look, what are we supposed to say to them? 'Sorry, we just borrowed your partners for a day and made them do the nasty on camera.'”

“As editor and co-producer, you are as involved in every aspect of this project as I am. From pre-production all the way to marketing and release.”

“We're using fake names, right? Who knows what's going to happen to us if the staff find out! Much worse, Ruby!”

Blake raised a scrutinizing brow. Ruby was old enough for this. Besides, she was sure Miss Goodwitch herself frequented the message boards. “We have wigs and make-up. Of course, we'll use pseudonyms.”

“Look, Blake. I trust you on this. I hope you know what you're doing.”

“This is art in the making.” The dark-haired faunus smirked in a way that somehow made her partner flinch a little. “In fact, I'm thinking of turning this into a trilogy.”

**Author's Note:**

> ORIGINALLY DRAFTED: July 5, 2018  
> LAST EDITED: July 6, 2018
> 
> Inspired by the horribly-acted intro scenes to porn. There are a lot of them out there and they are hilariously bad.


End file.
